The Happiest Baby on the Block

Update to my previous post: NO BABY! WOO HOO HOO!! Here's a funny repost that will make you just as happy about this news as we are.

The Happiest Baby on the Block

...is not our baby because Sexy Nerd accidentally drowned it. Poor baby Nuke.

Yes, Nuke (short for Nuclear) would be the name of our baby, if we had one. Thank goodness we don't!

The Albuquerque library system has a scam running. I went in the other day to pick up a book I'd reserved. Directly in front of the holds, they had a beautiful, eye-catching display of baby books.

Ack, just what my baby madness didn't need! Very clever, library. They know that little kids are highly likely to damage and lose books, resulting in fines. Well it's not going to work on me, library! You can take your Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy and go to heck!

Oh, who am I kidding? I was there to pick up my reserved copy of The Happiest Baby on the Block. And I already own The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy. (In my defense, it was only a dollar!)

Which leads me to the latest in a long list of Sexy Nerd silliness...

Dr. Karp, author of the book The Happiest Baby on the Block, has a 5 step technique to calm colicky infants: Swaddle, Side/Stomach, Shush, Swing, Suck. Excited to learn this latest tidbit of baby advice (lest I be unprepared for our own baby in 3 years), I found Sexy Nerd and told him all about it.

Dr. Karp's 5 step technique to soothe your baby

Yes, I made him pause Nascar. The 5 step technique can't wait! He feigned interest, saying how fascinating Dr. Harper's (!) theory is, then resumed his race. I wasn't convinced.

Pausing the TV again, Sexy Nerd proceeded to recite back the 5 steps.

"Swaddle!" he said proudly, impressed with himself for remembering when he really hadn't even been paying attention. With a bit less enthusiasm, he listed off Shush and Suck. Impressive.

The last 2 steps just would not come to mind. "I know it," he insisted, though he clearly did not know it. "Oh! You put the baby on its Stomach," he remembered. With just 1 more rule to go, completely proving me wrong, I could see that Sexy Nerd was really racking his mind for the answer. His face lit up.

"Swim!" he said.

"Swim?" I asked, a bit concerned. "Are you sure?"

Sexy Nerd unpaused his race, quite pleased with his awesome parenting intuition. "You're not fooling anyone. I got all 5 right! Admit it."

"So," I interrupted "to comfort our baby, you are going to swaddle its arms to its sides, stick a pacifier in its mouth, and place it on its stomach in water?"

"What was I thinking?!"

He later clarified that he meant a relaxing, well-supervised bath, which would surely make ours the happiest baby on the block. Nice try, my love.

Poor baby Nuke.

*Want more quotes of the day? Click here!

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